Tag Archives: Shopping

Feed Yourself Pretty

Español: Glass of water. Español: Copa con agua.

Image via Wikipedia

We all ignore it. The fact that vitamins, water, spice and everything nice actually do great things for our appearance. Instead, being the lazy make up reliant generation that we are (myself included), we say ‘meh’ to the healthy goodness of food and instead pull out the ever reliable concealer. So instead of thinking fruit is your enemy and water its evil twin, why don’t you give mother natures intended make up a go and give your cosmetic bag that well deserved rest.

Drop that bottle of coke immediately and I don’t even care if its diet.  How many times did your grandmother say you can’t drink better than water? And don’t you always see the pretty skinny girls carrying around huge bottles of water and think what the hell is in that bottle? Well I’ll tell you – there’s radiant skin, brighter eyes and shinier hair.

For your skin and hangover cure there’s nothing more rejuvenating than water. Its trick is that it hydrates skin cells and improves their elasticity, making them look less haggard and you less demonic after a wild night out. For your eyes, the simple method of dabbing them with water will leave the under eye area and tough bags brighter and cooled. And for shiny hair, the secret is to grit your teeth and stifle a scream, because giving hair a last-minute blast of cold water after washing will increase its shine tenfold.

And don’t forget your vitamins deary, another classic line from grandma but one that’s right yet again. The papaya fruit, exotic enough your grandma wouldn’t know whether to kill it or eat it, is stocked in vitamin A. The exact vitamin that is an antioxidant, removes dead skin cells, exfoliates and firms – something that will come in very handy when you’re nearing good ole grandma’s age.

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Needles are the new Sally Hanson

Hypodermic Needle Stomach Injection 3-1-08 8278

Hypodermic Needle Stomach Injection 3-1-08 8278 (Photo credit: stevendepolo)

Our country is riddled with the disease of paleness, but blessed be the bottles of fake tan at our exposure or I would never wear a dress again. Those of us who like the bronzed lifestyle buy fake tan by the bucket load, stand naked for spray tans, lie in UV light for hours and pop tanning tablets. We’ll go to pretty much any length to stay glowing, but would you go to the lengths of a drug addict?

Tanning injections are the new black market buzz that’s peeking interest in Ireland. Illegal, dangerous and not even approved for human use, these injections are the worst extreme Irish lasses have ever turned to for a tan. And I am truly worried. So much is wrong with them that I don’t even know where to start.

Let me explain what these injections are. They come as sachets of Melanotan powder, which is a chemical hormone that is being developed for skin intolerance to the sun. It then must be mixed with a “solution”, and injected daily with an insulin needle to the stomach area. Sounding a bit dodgy yet? It’s bought and sold over the internet, and contents can include an already used needle and incorrect dosage. Now I think were past dodgy.

Immediate side effects can range from nausea to increased blood pressure. That might not sound too bad, maybe you’d even be ok with the long-term side effects, a small thing known as cancer and that tingly feeling you get called organ failure. Do you really want to stab yourself to the point of sickness to look darker? The only thing I’ve left to say to this train wreck of dodgy needles, sickness, disease and desperation is thanks, but no thanks. I’ll take mine out of a bottle any day.

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Blinding Boy Bits

Disco ball in blue

Image via Wikipedia

Male grooming. We were delighted when they started shaving their chest and tweezing their unibrows. We begrudgingly allowed them to do the odd sunbed and steal some of our fake tan when needed. We even braved the man eyeliner for god sake. But I can honestly admit that I am truly terrified of the next step I hope only a minority of men will take. It’s a big bejewelled glittering penis and it’s coming our way. Introducing the male version of a vajazzle: the pejazzle.

For those of you manly men that are reading this and shaking to the core but can’t look away, I will explain the nitty gritty details as painlessly as I can. A pejazzle followed from the female vajazzle, which is basically a decoration of a woman’s nether regions with nice pretty crystals. The trend became massive after it was seen on TOWIE, and no, I’m not obsessed with the show. Most commonly used are the Swarovski crystals, which Essex lad Mark Wright is supporting and launching his male version of designs.

If any man is outrageous enough to go ahead and attempt this, you my good man are a brave one. Make sure to prep the area first, as in shave it and then clean it with the provided alcohol wipe. We don’t want any sticky bits getting caught in any hairy bits now do we?  Then simply peel off the design (a pair of lips or a cross – whichever makes you feel well hard man) and stick. Congratulations, you now have your very own disco ball for night time when the lights go out.

Granted there are no harmful side effects from this beauty treatment, and it can be done either professionally or at home. So technically there is nothing stopping men from flooding salons nationwide to bling their bits.  As the spokesperson for this development, and self-confessed pejazzeler, Mark Wright said “each to their own”. He’s absolutely right, if any man gets a pejazzle he will most definitely be on his own. Or at least until the diamanté’s fall off.

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